Remember what it was like

Spending a few hours helping out a whole group of brand new players, trying to explain to them why you don’t mix beam lasers, railguns, pulse lasers, and rockets on your Catalyst… trying to explain why it’s actually NOT effective to fit both shield and armor repairers on the same ship… it’s a little humbling. We come to take these simple truths for granted, we say that if you don’t know them you’re bad and probably stupid, but we often forget how complicated this game really is.

[Rupture, HAL]
Small Armor Repairer II
N-Type Thermic Membrane I
F85 Peripheral Damage System I
Type-D Power Core Modification: Capacitor Power Relay
Gyrostabilizer II

10MN Afterburner II
X5 Prototype Engine Enervator
Cap Recharger I

[empty high slot]
[empty high slot] there were once guns here, not sure what kind
[empty high slot]
[empty high slot]
Advanced 'Limos' Heavy Missile Bay I
Advanced 'Limos' Heavy Missile Bay I

This is one of the first fits I made as a young nubbin, to this day I do not remember exactly what it was for. But it’s bad. Real bad. And at some point, I actually made this, and probably even flew it.

How far we’ve come.

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Some people I just don’t understand you know?

NO ONE WAS HARMED DURING THE WRITING OF THIS POST (Unfortunately)

For one of our latest adventures I managed to infiltrate a Corp by name of [CLASSIFIED] my expert ninja assassin skills enabled me to gain entry with no questions asked. From the outset it was clear these people were not good and provide would some “Lulz” kill mails, on my first evening in Corp someone had a brilliant idea where upon we shall camp a highsec gate in lowsec and kill people (revolutionary tactics even i was impressed)

So it all began when a dude in Corp called for the gate camp gang to form in 30mins and with just 30mins our hero franticly runs round his hanger with his head cut off trying to choose a good ship to jump into their camp with. Suddenly and without any kind of a warning an idea exploded in his head with the force of a bomb! The idea took the form of a golden / green penis shaped ship that has sat in his hanger for the best part of 2years never used. My imagination was going wild with thoughts like”Why jump in when we can cloak up on the gate and bait them”  so i quickly woke Widdershit up from his prescription drug induced stupor and asked him if he would like to cross golden / green swords with me, the answer was yes let the adventure being.

Quickly scrambling our Redeemers to the system (which is still [CLASSIFIED] btw) Iam remarks about how far we have come and begins to question himself and I on what we must have done right in eve to have bought us to this moment flying such beautiful golden / green penis shaped spacecraft, “maybe we are just carebears and we haven’t realized it yet” was the conclusion i drew and i shrugged of this ludicrous notion and continued to burn.

We arrived with a good 10minutes to spare and we setup with our 3 Redeemers cloaked off the gate that was about to get camped. Those 10minutes or so later the fail camp begins to form, I am a member of the fleet flying one of two battleships (was supposed to be three, Fail 1) and we proceed to form up on the highsec side. Now this is where the retardation begins, being without a Corp comms (in this case vent) we are forced to use eve voice, so all fleet members apart from one get on eve voice and one complains he cannot because he’s retarded and doesn’t know how to play this game, not only this but the apparently FC has no mic, despite this I convince them to jump in.

Our fleet comp is as follows; Tempest, Abaddon ([worth about 400M isk total]), Rupture, Hurricane, Jaguar (lol). We Camped the gate for an entire 5mins before the FC decides to call the OP and orders everyone jump back into empire. Within minutes of calling for our retreat (about 3-4) the ENTIRE CORP logs off leaving us sitting there open mouthed cloaked wondering WTF just happened.

Following the events above a serious question was which I feel i need to pass on to the masses; If you lack the ability or competency to even get into a fight in PvP does that make you a bad PvPer having pretty much missed your chance to prove yourself because one person is bad and the other is retarded? (not talking about iam and I) […or are you? -ed]

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Bloody legend

I’m sitting in voice channel with a welsh dude, an aussie, and a kiwi

I swear everyone around me is bad, but they’re nowhere as near as bad as the other people who play this game.

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Enter Widders

Hi. My name is Iam Widdershins (Iam Jeffrey Widdershins to my spaceparents when I misbehave) and I suppose it’s conceivable that we’d become friends, I don’t much like people in general.

My head hurts, I’m way too tired, and my neck is killing me. I need food, and CCP’s new post detailing how they want to break down Battlecruiser and Destroyer skills into racial versions is making me rage slightly (particularly the way that everyone seems to think this is a good thing).

The only times I undocked something other than a freighter today I was shooting at myself… no, wait I did get that one guy. Which is terrible, because I could have (should have) done it in a Breacher or a Probe or something equally retarded; he was AFK anyway.

While CAAN0N may be a champion of teamkilling, I believe that I can call myself at least his equal because at least I killed his Sabre in a scientific study comparing the merits of the Panther’s alpha-damage output and the tank of caan’s Sabre, results were conclusively in favor of the Panther in a sample size n=1.

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Enter CAAN0N

HELLO! My name is CAAN0N some of you may know me. It is my fond hope and dream that we become great friends.

Now to business let me restore my honour and dignity while trashing my associates once and for all. I was young, I was drunk, And drinking horse semen for a bet seemed like a good idea at the time and you should not hold it against me.

About CAAN0N, CAAN0N is an almost godlike figure among  Eve players for he has perfected the art of mission running in 0.0. As my comrade pointed out before I am very good at running into people with my ship usually resulting in kills for said comrade and corp mates.

That brings us to Iam “Jeffery” Widdershins, where to start! I could go on all day about how terrible this guy is, he spends most of his time riding CAAN0N’s coat tails to success (read: failure -ed), Whilst contributing little more than level headed FCing, Solid knowledge base of game mechanics, Accurate Intel, and a shoulder to cry on.
Yeah Inorite….. …….slacker.

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